Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Uncovering your true self

Introduction of myself to others:
My name is Sarah. I am a personal trainer. I love to help people change their bodies and their self esteem. Family is very important to me. I have six sisters and two brothers and have been blessed with amazing Christian parents. Even though I’ve had some hills in my life, God has always helped me and welcomed me home with open arms. My two dogs are also very important to me. They can make me smile even on the worst days.

How would I describe myself:
Things I want people to know:
I am a unique mix of a girly girl and tomboy in one. I love pretty dress, beautiful flowers, pedicures and shopping, but also love playing sports with the boys and working out hard in the gym. I love to laugh and usually can find silly things other people or myself of done to laugh at. Even though I can be a bit scatter brained at times, I can be driven and passionate about what I do. I am a hard worker. Since I’m not great at planning and making decisions, I’m very spontaneous and usually up for any new adventure that I don’t have to come up with myself.

Things I don’t want people to know:
I am painfully shy even though I can sometimes put on a good show. Self doubt is something I live with pretty much every moment of the day. I don’t feel smart at all. I even wonder how I made it through school knowing so little. I have major body image problems that often lead to eating disorders. I’ve never been in a successful relationship, and I’m beginning to realize that I’m probably the problem. I’m always searching for that one thing or one person that is going to make me happy or at least give me some sense of purpose in my life. I disappoint myself and others around me because of selfish decisions that I make. I can be selfish and self centered even though I try to pretend that I’m not (do seem to be getting better though). I love attention and need it to feel better about myself. When I drink alcohol I become a totally different person and usually say or do things that I regret.

If you could choose a stereotype for yourself, which one would you choose? Why? What do you think this says about you?
I think of any stereo type I wish I could be one of those “Daddy’s Girls.” They just seem to have everything they ever wanted or needed and much more. They are given the best educations and are encouraged and pushed their whole life to make something of themselves even though in most cases they don’t need to make a living for themselves. I think this probably says that I’m a little shallow and that I want everything handed to me; however that is not what I see. I’ve learned that this world is not an easy place to make it in. I struggle with bills and low self esteem. I get stuck in jobs because I don’t think that I can do better and don’t even know how to start a new career. I just wish that life could be a little easier sometimes and for it seems for these girls everything usually just falls right into place.

To what degree do you think stereotypes are true? To what degree do they uncover a person’s identity? To what degree do they hide a person’s identity?
Although I claim to be open-minded, I do find myself prejudging people and automatically thinking that I know what they are like just by looking at them. I think there are some truths to certain stereotypes; however I do think that they are widely overused. I don’t think that stereotypes really can uncover a person’s identity; instead they tend to hide it. I remember growing up, I felt really embarrassed because my heritage was so mixed that when people asked what I was I didn’t even know how to respond. I felt inferior to people that knew where and who they came from. I remember wishing that I was at least one thing so that I could have a response when people asked me. Now I realize how foolish this was. I would have just hid behind an identity that I knew nothing about and would have been happy because I had an answer to other people’s random questions.

Do you think that the issue of identity is significant? Do you agree with “we are each on a lifelong journey to find out who we really are”? Why or why not?
Yes, I think it’s very important. When you don’t feel like you have an identity, you feel like you have no value or worth. I often times struggle with this. I believe that the reason I don’t have many friends is that I don’t feel like I have an identity of my own. I’m happy to do what ever other people want. Then I don’t want to have to come up with my own plans or interests and it makes it easy on me. I’m sure this can get old for people that hang around me. Are we on a life long journey? Yeah, I’m just hoping it doesn’t take my whole life for me to stop trying to please others and learn about my own desires and self.

“Examination of conscience is a lost art”
In today’s feel good generation we have very little morals to go by. It has become increasingly easier to lie to oneself about intentions and desires of the heart that we would have once known were bad and now and talk ourselves into thinking they are okay or good. If you talk to anyone about your problems, no one will tell you that you are doing wrong or give you biblical advice. In fact they often encourage you to do what ever makes you happy instead of what ever the right thing may be. We forgive ourselves too easy for our past mistakes and this causes us to keep on making them because we hardly have any lasting consequences. Anyone that thinks they know you will tell you straight up what a good person you are and sometimes you start believing it when deep down you know that you’re not.

1 comment:

Josh Carpenter said...

I think that you are a great girl and you have a big heart even if we do spend a lot of time giving other people a hard time. I am sure that I do not help you in that regard.

I do not think that you would like to be one of those "Daddy's girls" as much as you think. I think that you are a lot like me and want to make it on your own. You are gaining more and more confidence, I can see it even if you can't. You can claim it all as show but it is coming along. I think you are finally realizing that you can make it on your own and you dont need someone to support you. That is a big step. Those "Daddy's girls" end up getting everything and when it all falls apart they don't know how to stand on their own.

You are strong and you can handle and are handling more than you ever thought you could. I am proud of you for what you have done and are doing!